The SDM and the toy store...

So first I told you all about our little trip to the grocery store but what I didn't tell you was what happened when I took all the kids to the toy store right after that...

I followed up our awesome trip to the grocery store with a trip to the toy store last night. I know what you're thinking. Why in God's name would you take the kids to the toy store after that debacle at the grocery store? Well...because they behaved so awesomely!

So, I am about at the migraine level before we even pull into the parking lot. I should have known this would be good before I even started. I attempt to walk all three girls into the toy store, but OMG is not having the walking bit, she decides she is going to run across the parking lot of the store. I am yelling OMG STOP!!! She is turning her head back and forth not a care in the world all while yelling back at me "no stop mama is running, see me running." Hell yes I see you running in the parking lot and so does the woman calling CPS on the damn cell phone so could you please STOP before a car hits you and mommy goes to jail! Ok, there was probably no one calling CPS on the phone, but still I need to get this child under control. I am now running after her while the other two try to catch up to us as I have now abandoned them to the perils of the parking lot in an attempt to catch the little one. Oh for God sakes let's all just quietly get back in the car and let mommy get some Advil!

You'll be happy to know we all make it into the store. Where OMG promptly decides that she is going to touch every toy she sees. It is a VERY large toy store, this quick trip is going to take a while. I bribe her with the most giant lollipop I can find to move it along. What bribing children with lollipops is wrong? I suppose a small tree of broccoli would have been better but the toy store doesn't sell those so we are all set with the lolli. Now, the big girls are going to choose a toy. This is like the biggest joke ever played on parents let me tell you because a 6 and 8 year old trying to choose a toy is the most fun and time consuming thing they can possibly imagine. It's like giving me money and telling me to buy clothes in my favorite store. Sure, I could buy this sweater, but I also like that one...you surely know what I am talking about here. In all this fun toy madness MH decides she has to go potty um, RIGHT NOW. So, in all my infinite wisdom I let MM take her (WTH we are close and dragging three kids to a stinky potty in the toy store is not my idea of a good time). Anyway, I put OMG in a mini Cadillac Escalade to wait. It is on display. HOLY CRAP, kid loves the car! She acts like she's Mario Andretti. She is playing with the radio, moving the wheel. It is just adorable. And then...I hear it faintly...then louder..."Mom, that bathroom STINKS!!! Someone pooped big time in there." Yup all the way from one end of the store to the other my child is calling someone out. So, if you pooped in this lovely toy store last night we caught ya! Fantastic. I shush her, because it is rude, yet completely hysterical that she is calling someone out on their stinky poop.

In the meantime, while in the bathroom, she has decided which toy she would like and amazingly it is right in front of us! The heavens must have opened for me. Ok, perfect. I pull OMG out of the car, wait let me rephrase that, I ATTEMPT to pull her out because she has decided that the car is now hers and she is not leaving the $350 car behind. I manage to drag the child, now screaming, and when I say screaming I MEAN SCREAMING, out of the car. Only to have MM ask for 3 more toys, MH ask if she can overspend her money and look for another toy and lose her gift card. Oh and MH is now crying over the lost gift card. Ok, I handle all of this by what miracle I don't know. We proceed to the checkout and I can either wait behind two women with $500 in merchandise a piece OR a woman paying 3 different ways making BFF's with the cashier and filling her in on the inventory in the store. By the way OMG still is screaming over the car. So, I decide on BFF lady. I now have to pay with a screaming baby in my arms, I have 5 different ways to pay and 2 huge bags. I looked at the cashier and told her straight out "I'm leaving your store now I won't be back until Christmas." I think I heard her sigh with relief. I know I did!

The grocery store gets a visit from the SDM and family...

Hey everyone,

So, I've been gone for a while now. Not that I have too many followers (hint, hint)! I was having some computer issues but they are all fixed now and my life hasn't been too funny lately, that was until I decided to take a trip to the grocery store...

Ah the grocery store...a place where noise and smells assault your senses. What you don't normally expect is my child to literally assault you while you shop. My little OMG she's such a cutie.

We started this little excursion with a promise, from me that if my children behaved through the whole shopping trip I would take them to the toy store to spend money they already had. Ok, strike one for the SDM! Who does that? What was I thinking? I was thinking that my children are quite possibly the most entertaining yet most misbehaved children to ever walk the aisles at said store and that I would sell my left arm if they would just behave for 5.3 seconds. So, I made the ill fated promise of the toy store. In we go...

Oh CRAP!

We make it to produce, the VERY first section, but barely, you see my little MH (mini-hubby) likes to day dream in the grocery store and while she does this she dances around my cart. She pays absolutely no attention whatsoever to ANYTHING or ANYONE who may be anywhere within 10 feet of her. We have near collisions with a beeping motorized cart, a table full of tomatoes and a very unhappy teenage girl. I apologize profusely and remind her she needs to be mindful of where she is, she says ok mom, I forgot, I like to dance and I think these people like my Irish skipping. OY!!! I tell her one of the people was a table full of tomatoes but she doesn't hear me because she is now begging for candy apples covered in nuts, (which by the way she doesn't even like) and of course Irish skipping taking out a full row of caramel dip.

On to the deli...

We have to order our sandwich meat at the deli counter. The extremely kind and very patient lady behind the counter asks if we would like to sample any. I ask for ham and turkey a piece for each child. Well, OMG decides she wants cheese. They didn't give me cheese. OMG, OMG is just not having that, she looked at the very wonderful deli lady and screamed in her face "I SAY CHEESE NOT HAM." I again apologize and thank her for the ham and now cheese and walk away as fast as possible. This is seriously starting to give me a migraine.

The soup aisle...

I am in the soup aisle and I am just trying to find my husband some God forsaken soup that he asked me to get. I can't find it and I am steering a huge cart filled with groceries. I have three insane children. OMG is screaming for the "choo choo" that runs through the store over head, MH is dancing around the cart and MM is asking me if we have enough ketchup to feed the entire state of Kansas. I turn around a this woman is literally following me down the aisle, just following me! I turn around there she is, I pull my cart forward, there she is again. I have had it at this point. I ask her "do you need me to move?" What does this sweet looking elderly woman tell me: "No, I'm enjoying the show". I about died right there!!!

The canned food aisle and the BEST part...

So we have made it almost through the entire store when...OMG finds a can of Dora Spaghetti O's she must have. Not only must she have them, she must hold them, in her hand in the cart...an aluminum can in the hands of volatile 2 year old, complete disaster in the making. So, I let her hold the can, oh you know I did, it was not worth the screaming! OMG proceeds to throw the full can at random people we pass in the aisles. There appears to be no rhyme or reason to who gets the can tossed at them, just complete randomness. I am laughing like a damn hyena on the inside while completely discipling on the outside.

I must get out of this store!! I check out. And you will never believe that because their behavior was so good we headed right to the toy store after this. Imagine what happens when they are naughty...

OMG Where is your...?

Let me first set the scene...

I am trying to clean my house today because I have people coming over later and I want my house to look perfect.  Why?  I don't know being that these are mommy friends who probably have houses that look just like mine but, whatever, I am in DefCon 3 cleaning mode.

I recently changed OMG, because we still haven't gotten the hang of that whole potty training thing.  We, also haven't gotten the hang of the whole getting rid of the bottle thing, but let's save that for another post.  So, I just changed OMG into a new diaper, I am running out of diapers by the way and you'll see why in a minute.

There I am cleaning away, I have gotten my whole upstairs cleaned.  Dusted, vacuumed the whole thing.  I am so proud of myself.  No more half empty water cups hanging out by the bunk beds in the girl's room.  Dog hair all gone.  This is big.  I am now working downstairs.  I had about a million blocks to clean up.  I do not exaggerate here.  I literally had enough blocks on my floor to build the Eiffel Tower.  Well, down comes OMG in her very long shirt dress and decides she wants a cookie.  OMG knows how to open baby locks like Houdini.  Nothing can come between this child and her cookies, believe me!  We have a 130 pound dog that looks like it might eat your face off she looks at her like if you come between me and this cookie I will take you down!  So, while I am putting the Eiffel Tower into block bags tiny Houdini gets herself a cookie and walks her little self into the play room.  Ok not the best choice for a snack but she had lunch so I am ok with it. She  walks all around eats the half the cookie feeds half to said monster dog and everyone is happy.  Or so I think...

She then decides she wants a pretzel, she's two and apparently has become an human vacuum.  Fine one pretzel.  Hand it off.  She runs back to the play room.  In I go I am totally going to finish cleaning now!  When...wait a minute...OMG has no diaper on!!!  WTH!  Nope she is just hanging out in the open lounging back chopping on a pretzel without a care in the world.  Now, let's go back to the beginning where I said she ISN'T potty trained!  So now I have to run around the house in search of the offending diaper because she took it off herself!

This is cute, if it happened once.  But, OMG takes her diaper off when it suits her, which is about every 10-15 minutes lately.  I am going through diapers like water.  Although at least this time it was dry, unlike the time she pooped and came running.  Oh, and to add insult to injury on that one we couldn't find the poop.  Yeah.  No.  I get it.  You heard me right we couldn't find the poop.  There was poop on the heiney but an empty diaper.  Anyone want to take a guess at that one?  Yeah me neither.  Although I think the monster dog may have been involved.  Ok, I am off to work on cleaning and perhaps a little potty training?


Have a sparkly day,
SDM