Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The SDM and the toy store...

So first I told you all about our little trip to the grocery store but what I didn't tell you was what happened when I took all the kids to the toy store right after that...

I followed up our awesome trip to the grocery store with a trip to the toy store last night. I know what you're thinking. Why in God's name would you take the kids to the toy store after that debacle at the grocery store? Well...because they behaved so awesomely!

So, I am about at the migraine level before we even pull into the parking lot. I should have known this would be good before I even started. I attempt to walk all three girls into the toy store, but OMG is not having the walking bit, she decides she is going to run across the parking lot of the store. I am yelling OMG STOP!!! She is turning her head back and forth not a care in the world all while yelling back at me "no stop mama is running, see me running." Hell yes I see you running in the parking lot and so does the woman calling CPS on the damn cell phone so could you please STOP before a car hits you and mommy goes to jail! Ok, there was probably no one calling CPS on the phone, but still I need to get this child under control. I am now running after her while the other two try to catch up to us as I have now abandoned them to the perils of the parking lot in an attempt to catch the little one. Oh for God sakes let's all just quietly get back in the car and let mommy get some Advil!

You'll be happy to know we all make it into the store. Where OMG promptly decides that she is going to touch every toy she sees. It is a VERY large toy store, this quick trip is going to take a while. I bribe her with the most giant lollipop I can find to move it along. What bribing children with lollipops is wrong? I suppose a small tree of broccoli would have been better but the toy store doesn't sell those so we are all set with the lolli. Now, the big girls are going to choose a toy. This is like the biggest joke ever played on parents let me tell you because a 6 and 8 year old trying to choose a toy is the most fun and time consuming thing they can possibly imagine. It's like giving me money and telling me to buy clothes in my favorite store. Sure, I could buy this sweater, but I also like that surely know what I am talking about here. In all this fun toy madness MH decides she has to go potty um, RIGHT NOW. So, in all my infinite wisdom I let MM take her (WTH we are close and dragging three kids to a stinky potty in the toy store is not my idea of a good time). Anyway, I put OMG in a mini Cadillac Escalade to wait. It is on display. HOLY CRAP, kid loves the car! She acts like she's Mario Andretti. She is playing with the radio, moving the wheel. It is just adorable. And then...I hear it faintly...then louder..."Mom, that bathroom STINKS!!! Someone pooped big time in there." Yup all the way from one end of the store to the other my child is calling someone out. So, if you pooped in this lovely toy store last night we caught ya! Fantastic. I shush her, because it is rude, yet completely hysterical that she is calling someone out on their stinky poop.

In the meantime, while in the bathroom, she has decided which toy she would like and amazingly it is right in front of us! The heavens must have opened for me. Ok, perfect. I pull OMG out of the car, wait let me rephrase that, I ATTEMPT to pull her out because she has decided that the car is now hers and she is not leaving the $350 car behind. I manage to drag the child, now screaming, and when I say screaming I MEAN SCREAMING, out of the car. Only to have MM ask for 3 more toys, MH ask if she can overspend her money and look for another toy and lose her gift card. Oh and MH is now crying over the lost gift card. Ok, I handle all of this by what miracle I don't know. We proceed to the checkout and I can either wait behind two women with $500 in merchandise a piece OR a woman paying 3 different ways making BFF's with the cashier and filling her in on the inventory in the store. By the way OMG still is screaming over the car. So, I decide on BFF lady. I now have to pay with a screaming baby in my arms, I have 5 different ways to pay and 2 huge bags. I looked at the cashier and told her straight out "I'm leaving your store now I won't be back until Christmas." I think I heard her sigh with relief. I know I did!

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